IM Going Outward Bound Once Again- Well, Sort of.

IM Going Outward Bound Once Again- Well, Sort of.

Sunday 24 January 2016

 I sit here with my cup of tea and think of one question I am often asked by people when I tell them I’m a mental health educator/advocate.

“Why do you do what you do?”

My answer is usually something along the line, that living with a mental illness myself, I know how hard it can be, and the public’s stigma and misconceptions around it. I hope to educate and get people talking about it, as it affects 1 in 4 people, and 500,000 Canadians have missed work today because of a mental illness, and those are the ones we know about.

Since its World Mental Health Day, and Mental Illness Awareness Week is winding down, I thought I would elaborate a little bit more about why I do what I do.

Yes, I know from firsthand experience what it is like to live with a mental illness. The stigma, misconceptions and days of frustration because you can’t seem to function “like everybody else can” I have been down to Hades and back so many times I should get frequent flyer points, and had days where it just took too much energy to get out of bed and get dressed. Days where, doing the very basic things like shower and eat, were too much for me.

I also know, that the one with the illness, is not the only one affected by it.

I was brought up in a family where one, if not both of my parents had an undiagnosed mental illness, and they self-medicated with alcohol. I can tell you that not one of us 9 children got out of that family unscathed.

I look back now and wonder how any of us got out of there alive. I also now realize, they were in a lot of pain. Mental illness was not something you talked about in my family, even as some of my brothers showed obvious signs. We didn't  have “an elephant in the room”, we had a herd of them all under the same roof.

I remember the craziness, chaos, and unpredictability while growing up, and I remember at 4 years old wanting to die.

I remember growing up and as an adult wondered why it seemed I could not remember doing things, having bouts of depression, and anxiety that followed me around. I remember crashing and burning in 2001 and no longer able to work at a job I loved, and was good at, losing our house, and credit, and my world crashing down around me as I could no longer keep the façade together.

I also remember being correctly diagnosed in 2003, and finally understanding what was wrong with me.  With the tenacity of a “terrier with a bone” I worked, with the help of many amazing people, harder than I ever did in my life to get better. And the good news is, I did get better.

I will always have my illness, but I am not my illness.

Yes I am a statistic. I am one of those 1 in 5 Canadians who have a mental illness, I was 1 of those “75% of children and youth with a mental illness who will not receive treatment," and “there but the grace of God”, I am not included in the #1 accidental death of youth, suicide!

Yes, I am a statistic. I am living proof that with the correct diagnose, understanding and support, one can have a very fulfilling life, while having a mental illness.

I am a statistic, but I am more than that, as is anyone with a mental illness. I am a mother, wife, friend, and writer. I have captained my dragon boat team, play Ringette and belong to a singing group. I volunteer for various organizations and I am a very much loved member of my community.

I have talked to my doctors medical and practicum students.  Along with nursing and psychology students, and various groups of youth. I hope to talk to more groups, and various places including colleges and universities. 

I also know, that being correctly diagnosed probably saved my life.

So now you know why I do what I do. You can also make a difference.

Start talking about mental illness, and why mental health is important to everyone. Realize that having a mental illness is not a character flaw, or anything like Hollywood portrays.

You can go to the links below and start the conversation rolling.

Mental Illness Awareness Week may be coming to an end, but the conversation need to keep going, for everyone sake.

Those are my thoughts for today.

Cheers and be well and I wish you all well in your journeys.



http://www.cmha.ca/



This week Bell Canada is having its campaign to help end stigma around mental illness. With every phone call, text message sent, and tweet using #BellLetsTalk on January 25th, Bell Canada will donate 5 cents to a mental health intuitive. http://letstalk.bell.ca/en/ . They have some great Canadians as spokespersons, Michael Landsburg, Howie Mandel, Mary Walsh and Clara Hughes.

Each and every one of these people are very successful in their chosen field, and it does my heart good to see they are standing up, sharing their own, very personal stories, and helping to end the stigma on mental illness.

Will I ever meet these people, probably not, but I do have something in common with them. I also speak about my experiences and advocate and educate about mental illness and mental health challenges. No, I will never be on national television, I do not have a media team putting together my campaign, but I, as one person, continue to do what I do, and like the Bell Canada spokespersons, I am making a difference.  

This last December I had the opportunity to once again speak to some youth at one of the local high schools. I spoke to a grade 11/12 psychology class, and as always, was amazed at these youth. I loved speaking to them, opening some great dialogue, answering their amazing questions, and, as always, before we knew it time was up.

The teacher of this program is amazing, she is really interested and connected with her students, and it shows. During the next couple of classes, she asks the students to write a short note to me, about my presentation and what they thought of it. This, too me, is a gift.

No matter how many times I have talked to her students-(I have been doing it for 4 years now) - and the comments that are sent to me, they always surprise me, bring a smile to my face and at times a tear to my eye. These kids are smart, well-articulated, and get it.

This shows me, that one person can make a difference. Here are a few of those comments

“Thank you for speaking to my class. You really opened our eyes about Dissociative Identity Disorder and made us understand that it isn't what Hollywood makes it out to be.”

“The fact that you have been to the lowest of lows and come out such a happy person is very inspiring...”

“ You made me open my eyes more in life and realize that my life is crap right now but will get better one day…you showed people that there’s more out there in life and that they just have to wait for that day to come.”

“You have made me realize there is so much more to life”

“I think people have a lot a misconceptions about mental illness and you did a great job clearing those up”

“Your presentation was truly inspiring because despite what you have been through you know who you are. I think it’s hard to find yourself, regardless of the situation. You helped me understand that even if it is hard, I will find who I am, and who I want to become.”

“..I realized human beings are very tough and can persevere through almost anything…”

“… It helped me understand how to see and treat people with D.I.D. and also other mental health issues.”

“Your story was really meaningful and inspired me. Life can suck but it can be good and never give up, remember better times are coming.”


For some of these youth, this is the very 1st time they have learned, discussed and asked questions about mental illness. And I know, that for some my stories resonate with them because this is the first time in their life they learn that they are not alone.

I am not and never will be a celebrity. I am not and never will be a national spokesman, but I do know I make a difference. I will continue to do what I do, quietly, in my corner of the world. And when I hit times where I wonder if I am making a difference, I will pull out the student’s comments and read them once again.

I am not the only one making a difference. There are many, many individuals and organizations out there doing their part in helping end the stigma on mental illness. A few individuals I know about are

The following organizations are doing a great job and have amazing resources on their sites, be it how to talk to or help someone with a mental illness.
Partners for mental Health http://www.partnersformh.ca/
The Canadian Mental Health Association http://www.cmha.ca/

And here is an amazing resource for parents with children with mental health issues and challenges. This is a B.C. organization, but great resources.

The F.O.R.C.E. Society for Children and Mental Health, http://www.forcesociety.com/

It is amazing to see the energy, passion, and drive that these individuals and organizations have. We All believe that through better education and understanding, we CAN make a difference, and help END THE STIGMA and misunderstandings surrounding mental health issues.

Start talking and keep on talking, long after the campaigns are out done and out of the limelight. Just because the causes and campaigns are over, does not mean that stigma surrounding mental health stops. 

I will never have the lime light shining on me, but I do know that by my talking, I shine a light that  reaches and helps someone else.

Those are my thoughts for the day.
Cheers and be well

Suzy






This week Bell Canada is having its campaign to help end stigma around mental illness. With every phone call, text message sent, and tweet using #BellLetsTalk on January 28th, Bell Canada will donate 5 cents to a mental health intuitive. http://letstalk.bell.ca/en/ . They have some great Canadians as spokespersons, Michael Landsburg, Howie Mandel, Mary Walsh and Clara Hughes.

Each and every one of these people are very successful in their chosen field, and it does my heart good to see they are standing up, sharing their own, very personal stories, and helping to end the stigma on mental illness.

Will I ever meet these people, probably not, but I do have something in common with them. I also speak about my experiences and advocate and educate about mental illness and mental health challenges. No, I will never be on national television, I do not have a media team putting together my campaign, but I, as one person, continue to do what I do, and like the Bell Canada spokespersons, I am making a difference.  

This last December I had the opportunity to once again speak to some youth at one of the local high schools. I spoke to a grade 11/12 psychology class, and as always, was amazed at these youth. I loved speaking to them, opening some great dialogue, answering their amazing questions, and, as always, before we knew it time was up.

The teacher of this program is amazing, she is really interested and connected with her students, and it shows. During the next couple of classes, she asks the students to write a short note to me, about my presentation and what they thought of it. This, too me, is a gift.

No matter how many times I have talked to her students-(I have been doing it for 4 years now) - and the comments that are sent to me, they always surprise me, bring a smile to my face and at times a tear to my eye. These kids are smart, well-articulated, and get it.

This shows me, that one person can make a difference. Here are a few of those comments

“Thank you for speaking to my class. You really opened our eyes about Dissociative Identity Disorder and made us understand that it isn't what Hollywood makes it out to be.”

“The fact that you have been to the lowest of lows and come out such a happy person is very inspiring...”

“ You made me open my eyes more in life and realize that my life is crap right now but will get better one day…you showed people that there’s more out there in life and that they just have to wait for that day to come.”

“You have made me realize there is so much more to life”

“I think people have a lot a misconceptions about mental illness and you did a great job clearing those up”

“Your presentation was truly inspiring because despite what you have been through you know who you are. I think it’s hard to find yourself, regardless of the situation. You helped me understand that even if it is hard, I will find who I am, and who I want to become.”

“..I realized human beings are very tough and can persevere through almost anything…”

“… It helped me understand how to see and treat people with D.I.D. and also other mental health issues.”

“Your story was really meaningful and inspired me. Life can suck but it can be good and never give up, remember better times are coming.”


For some of these youth, this is the very 1st time they have learned, discussed and asked questions about mental illness. And I know, that for some my stories resonate with them because this is the first time in their life they learn that they are not alone.

I am not and never will be a celebrity. I am not and never will be a national spokesman, but I do know I make a difference. I will continue to do what I do, quietly, in my corner of the world. And when I hit times where I wonder if I am making a difference, I will pull out the student’s comments and read them once again.

I am not the only one making a difference. There are many, many individuals and organizations out there doing their part in helping end the stigma on mental illness. A few individuals I know about are

The following organizations are doing a great job and have amazing resources on their sites, be it how to talk to or help someone with a mental illness.
Partners for mental Health http://www.partnersformh.ca/
The Canadian Mental Health Association http://www.cmha.ca/

And here is an amazing resource for parents with children with mental health issues and challenges. This is a B.C. organization, but great resources.

The F.O.R.C.E. Society for Children and Mental Health, http://www.forcesociety.com/

It is amazing to see the energy, passion, and drive that these individuals and organizations have. We All believe that through better education and understanding, we CAN make a difference, and help END THE STIGMA and misunderstandings surrounding mental health issues.

Start talking and keep on talking, long after the campaigns are out done and out of the limelight. Just because the causes and campaigns are over, does not mean that stigma surrounding mental health stops. 

I will never have the lime light shining on me, but I do know that by my talking, I shine a light that  reaches and helps someone else.

Those are my thoughts for the day.
Cheers and be well

Suzy

Thursday 7 January 2016






The New Year has come and gone and I have no idea what the coming year will bring.
This last year has been amazing, heart breaking, exhilarating, frustrating, confusing, and beautiful and challenging.  It’s had its highs and lows, but the one theme that has been throughout is growth, and the things that comes with growth, is change.

I feel like I have spent the last year on a home restoration on myself.

Years ago when I first started therapy, I remember writing in my journal that my work would be like rebuilding my foundation. I had just been diagnosed with Complex P.T.S.D. and my world had fallen apart. I could no longer work, we had lost our house, our credit and my husband small pension was $50 a month more than if we were on social assistance. We were using the food bank, and had to make choices between buying bread or milk. We had managed to rent an old small house, -that my sons friend called “The Hobbit House”- The floor in the bathroom would sag as you walked on it, it had an old  oil stove for cooking, and heat-which only heated up the tiny kitchen.  

Some of the floor board were rotting out and in the spring you could hear a frog singing his song under the floor in the corner of my bed room floor. There was no basement, just a small foundation above the dirt.

As I started doing my work I realized all my beliefs that I was bad, no good, and worthless, a piece of shit etc. came from what I was told growing up, and I believed it. With the help of my psychiatrist I was learning otherwise and I realized I needed to work on changing those beliefs, create new ways of thinking, challenge and get rid of those “old tapes” that would play in my head. I thought of it as building a new foundation, and this visual helped me.

Before rebuilding a foundation you need to make sure the building is supported. Sometimes this means lifting the house up to assess the damages. The damage of my foundation- belief in myself, cognitive errors etc., was so bad, it required to lift the whole house up, and be supported while I worked on the foundation.

It was a lot of work, the whole thing had to be dismantled, carefully- rubble taken away, the ground leveled out and prepared for a new foundation.

It was a lot of work, blood, sweat and tears, but I am happy to say it was all worth it, and I have a very solid, and healthy foundation. And the house now sits firmly and solidly on that foundation
.
So, what’s the issue you might ask? Well, I was asking myself this very same question this past year.

Life would seem to be plugging along, but something was just not right. I could not write my blogs like I wanted too, things seemed to take so much energy, it was hard for me to read, and then there was the huge mental health challenge last year when I could not get into the hospital. I sent out a request for help from friends and they came running and could not do enough for me. When the crisis was over, I thought I would just bounce back up and get on with life. I did on many levels, but quietly in the background, things were still being worked on and sorted out.

I went on two amazing Outward Bound Canada, Women of Courage courses, http://www.outwardbound.ca/course_index.asp?Category=111

One on the North Coast Trail, and the other in the Selkirk Mountains at the Bobby Burns Lodge. It was amazing and challenging times that allowed me to dig deeper and discover and retrieve more of my lost self. But I was exhausted long after the trips were over. I realized it was more mental than physical.

I gave 7 presentation to High school students, and 3 presentations to teachers and educators in two different school districts about Connecting with Students with Mental Health Challenges.
 I volunteered with the installation and de installation of the Walking with Our Sisters Memorial, it was an intense and amazing experience

My last year has been full and amazing, but also challenging. This past week a thought came to me….”This last year you have been doing a house restoration on yourself. ”

Restoring a house is different than renovating a house. Restoration, means to take back to its original self.
 According to Merriam Webster restoration is The act or process of returning something to its original condition by repairing it, cleaning it etc.
: The act of bringing back something that existed before
: The act of returning something that was stolen or taken.

I think I have been spending the last year doing all of the above.

This past year, while my house was sitting safely and securely on is great foundation, I have been working away till the wee hours of the night restoring myself back to my original condition, repairing, cleaning etc.  

Think of an old 150-200 year old house. It has been raised and then set back down on new foundations, the outside work and restoration has been done, and now, it’s time to restore the inside. 
This is a lot of work and I have not done it alone. 

Think about the work it takes to remove decades of old paint, leaded paint without harming the original finish, taking up old carpets and sanding and restoring the amazing old growth wood flooring. Pulling down the brick  to find the original flagstone fireplace. Discovering the original old beams and stained glass windows, and the original curved doorways. Many people have helped me to do this in the past year. To work delicately to find the original door handles, rot iron railings, carved wood and designs under all the decades of paint, wallpaper and plaster. Times when I was frustrated and wanted to hurry it up- they reassured me that it takes time and a gentle hand.

There have also been times when I have to use force and be as strong as I can, ask for help and together we broke through false walls, and discovered boarded up rooms, where nothing had changed in 50 years. These rooms were covered in dust, stagnant and where just waiting for the light to break in, and when it did, we found amazing treasures.

Restoring a house takes time and energy, it’s an ongoing work of love,but it's worth it. 
So am I. So are You!!!!

 I will have moments when I need to take time to focus on some new issue, wax the hardwood floors, polish the wood and metal and all round general upkeep. I will not have the time and energy of others who live in a modern house with little upkeep, but that’s ok. Because, what I have discovered, retrieved and found, is my authentic self. Like the restored old house, it’s full of beauty, warmth and has an authenticity that is hard to find, but once found will enrich your life beyond belief.

I don’t know what this New Year will bring, but I am open to whatever comes my way. There will be good times, there will be bad times, times of discovery and dreams, times of grief and sadness. But the one thing I do know, is that I am safe in myself, and my home.

And when spring comes and the frogs start singing again, I will once more be reminded of how far I have come.

Those are my thoughts for today, I wish you all wellness and safety in your journeys.

Cheers and be well


Suzy