The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men.......

As Robert Burns Wrote in his poem “To a Mouse”  “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”

(The saying is adapted from a line: “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.”)

No matter which way you can say it, it’s a bloody understatement!!!

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I had been struggling, and was doing a lot of self-care and asking for help. I had talked about seeing my Dr. and hitting a bad patch, and requesting admittance into the unit at the local hospital. My Dr. and I agreed this is what was needed, I had my support plan in place, I had pulled away from activities etc. to work on my stuff and do what I needed to do to take care of myself, and hospital admittance was the next step. 

Well….”The best laid plans of mice and men”…….it sure the Hell went awry…..

I had an appointment with my Dr. in the morning and with my therapist in the afternoon. After seeing my Dr. he contacted the hospital and then my therapist to tell her that the hospital did not have a spot and it looked like they would not in the near future. When my therapist told me this I felt like my world had fallen apart, I had worked so hard to stay safe and had been proactive and it was not working-so I thought.

Needless to say I went through a range of emotions in my therapist’s office, everything from anger, sadness, fear, anxiety and a range of other emotions.I was scared, I had no idea what else to do. I did not want to get to the crisis point I have had in the past, but my plan had suddenly been derailed.

Then my therapist talked to me about making a new support plan, calling in the resources of my friends and family. Needless to say this scared the crap out of me.  I had no idea how to do this work outside of the hospital. I kept thinking back to the beginning of my work, and how bad it went, and how hard it was. My friends and family had seen me struggle, but with this work, I had done it in the hospital.  I was afraid for them to see me this bad, and needing the supports I would need.

But, I had two choices. I could try to keep it together on my own- (which I knew was not going to happen, and I would end up in crisis mode, end up in emergency many times, and be the worst for it) or I could reach out and ask for me help.

I opted to ask for help. Believe me, this has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, and on many levels I was terrified. Terrified to have people see me in this state, see the ‘real me” terrified to feel this vulnerable.

Let me explain a little about this fear. I grew up in a family where the caregivers were not mentally healthy themselves. One moment they would be loving and take care of me, another time they would ignore my needs, neglect or abuse me. Now imagine a young child trying to figure out what to do when they are hurt- do I go to the person who is supposed to take care of me, wait- I can’t do that because this is the same person that hurts me. This creates what is called disorganized attachment. Here is a link to learn more http://www.psychalive.org/disorganized-attachment/

So, needless to say I have no idea what to do. So my therapist and I talk about why it helps me when I am in the hospital, we write these down. Then my therapist and I put together a support plan to give to my Dr., family and friends to let them know what was going on with me, that I could not get into the hospital and what they could do to help me through this very difficult and challenging time. We wrote this out in rough draft and later that day, my therapist sent it to my e-mail. I read it, made any changes if needed and then the time came...to send it out into cyber space…..

Let me tell you…I walked back and forth, telling myself why I should and should not ask for help. My heart was racing my palms were sweaty, I was light headed, I felt like I was going to throw up. I had many conversations going on in my head why this was not a good idea and why it would not work-“no one will understand, no one cares, if they see how broken I am I will lose the friends I now have, they will think I am weak, it’s not really that bad, they won’t understand,  they will say they’ll help, but they won’t, just like before  etc, etc, etc. ” all of these “stories were wrong by the way!!!!!

So, with beating heart, trembling hands and sweaty palms, I sent my support plan out into cyber space having no idea what the result would be. I sent it to friends I thought might come on board and to my ringette team. 

I have posted the plan at the end of this blog post.

The response was amazing, I am blown away and still get tears of gratitude when I think back to that time. The unconditional love and support I received, and continue to receive still moves me to my core.  They all pitched in and helped me through a very dark and tough time. One friend even brought me a nightlight in the shape of a tea cup, and in the card she wrote-“So you will never be alone on the dark again.”

 I had people checking in with me via phone, text, Facebook and in person. One friend phoned me 4 times a day at a scheduled time, mid-morning, mid-afternoon, early evening and later evening before bed.

Another friend- who is a pshy nurse texted and checked in with me throughout the days and let me know she was there any time, day or night. My ringette team set up a schedule of daily visits with me and to make sure I got out for a bit of a walk every day- no matter how reluctant I was.  People scheduled me in their days for visits, -e-mails, phone calls, texts etc. This was a great example where social media worked and pulled everyone together to support me. One of the ringette players who now lives in another town, sent me a card every day for 2 weeks, it was amazing.

 I had 4 people, some friends, some professionals (one still practicing, and one retired who is now a dear friend)- I could call in the wee hours of the night when things were dark, both figuratively and physically. Believe me I did call them.  It was hard for me to do so, and the old tapes of the past would creep into my brain telling me that I would be bothering them, why can’t I do this on my own etc. - but I did call them and it made all the difference in the world.

 People brought me cards, flowers, goodies, breakfast and lunch, hugs and I had someone visit every day. I visited my family Dr. every day and he told me I could have daily check-ins’ with him for as long as I needed. A good friend picked me up and made sure I got there and back safely.  My therapist visited me or phoned me every day. I had an amazing amount of e-mails, messages and texts of love and support.

I guess in some aspects it was a giant love in and I was the center of attention.

It was a challenging time, and as I said reaching out for help, was challenging, actually scared the crap out of me, -it’s a long story to do with past trauma and disorganized attachment issues- but on so many levels I’m glad I took the risk. To put it simply, it showed me once again that the world is much safer than I ever thought possible and I am now connected and connecting with people, and myself, on a level I never thought possible.

And, it once again showed me it’s safe to talk about my mental illness and the challenges around it, and once again, I see by doing that, it allows others to talk about it.

I am recovering, and once again life has shown me that I never know what is around the corner. 

  On the 21^st of February I received notice that I was nominated for The Canadian Alliance Champions of Mental Health Award, I was so surprised that you could have knocked me over with a feather.  To think that someone thought that much of what I do was, to say the least, a pleasant surprise. One of the  local paper also did a piece about. http://www.comoxvalleyrecord.com/news/295948621.html

Last week a friend took me to see Shane Koyzcan, an amazing spoken word artist. I had heard and watched him on Youtube, read some of his stuff but I had never seen him live. It was amazing. He was powerful, funny and authentic. He spoke about what is often unspoken. I laughed, and I cried and that was ok. Here is a link to some of his work http://www.shanekoyczan.com/

Next week I am going to the Child and Youth mental Health and Substance Use ( CYMHSU) Collaborative next week in Vancouver. I am being sent by The Force Society http://www.forcesociety.com/about-us and am looking forward to learning more and re connecting with the amazing people I met in Kelowna last September.

I am still struggling. I don’t know how long I will continue to struggle, but I do know I need to take the time it takes. There are no manuals for what I am dealing with, no maps or instruction booklets.  I often feel like I am going through this blind, but I do know…I can and will ask for help, and it will come. I know that even if my loved ones do not understand they are here beside me, to hold my hand, make me a tea, and give me a smile or a hug. I know the professionals in my life will make time for me and help and support me through this, and any other rough time.  I know, that this too will end, I will come out of this, I will see the bright side. This, like life is a journey, and I have an amazing team to help me through it.

I am on a voyage of discovery, of who I really am. There will be good times, there will be tough times, doors will close and new ones will open….and all along I have an amazing support team. And when things get rough I will remember Shane Koyzcan words in his poem ``Instructions For a Bad Day``…  Realize every dark cloud is a smoke screen meant to blind us from the truth, and the truth is whether we see them or not - the sun and moon are still there and always there is light. ``

Those are my thoughts for today- I wish you all well on your life’s journeys

Cheers and be well

Suzy

My Support plan sent to friends, family and Dr.

 Hi folks,

Your friend Suzy needs your help this week. 

In the past, when she’s had emotionally stormy weather, she’s been able to go into St Joseph’s “Spa” as she jokingly calls it. That’s not an option this time – gatekeeping of the beds is tighter and tighter as budgets tighten. Since there’s “no room at the inn” she’s going to do this personal work at home. She’s found this inner work process usually takes 5-7 days.

You need to know that both her physician and her counselor are confident that this will be a safe process – in fact probably a pretty important breakthrough to feel safe and vulnerable at the same time with her chosen family (that’s you!).

When she went on the Women of Courage course there was a “solo” challenge – a day alone and an overnight alone, with support staff camped nearby. She’s on a different kind of solo this week, and she’s asking for your support to be nearby…

What support is needed?

-          Friends who can step forward and offer to be “on call” for one or more nights in case she needs to make a late night phone call to hear a loving voice remind her of her strengths & her circle of support – (call or e-mail if you can do this, with the night you’re able to wake if needed)

-           

-          Other friends who can step forward and call to check in on her (help break any trances of aloneness or numbness) on a schedule. We need volunteers to call morning, mid afternoon, early evening, and a before bed (9pm call) – someone to coordinate this would be great!

-           

-          Visiting – Suzy can set some visiting hours – to make a cup of tea, to hold her hand or offer a hug, just “be” – no need to “fix” her – she’s not broken, just in a recovering stage that makes her a little more vulnerable than you’re used to.

-           

-          Cards & letters – visual expressions of love & support are great to re-open and re-read in the darker hours when she needs to remind herself of her current world that’s “camped nearby”

-           

-          Reminders that she’s probably going to be “rolo-dexing” through defense patterns (Fight Flight Freeze Submit/Collapse, Attach)so she may need help just labeling and letting go of storylines and just witness the defense:

-          • angry ranting or frustration = Fight

• thoughts of ending it, numbing out, putting up a wall = Flight

• terror of facing this week out of the hospital = Freeze

• numbing out, abject sadness = Collapse

• feeling abandoned by the system = Attach

This labeling helps defuse, helps soothe, helps make sense of the emotional storms. 

-          reassurance that this process has an end -- this is not a setback – this is progress and it’s only a few days.

-          Folks who might invite her out to walk each day (regardless of reluctance J)

-          You don’t need to ask what happened in the past -- that’s not the work. The work is trusting the present and trusting the fact that she is not alone – that her support system is here even when she’s more vulnerable and perhaps more needy than usual.

-          Suzy will be in daily contact with her counselor. She’s arranged to keep in close contact with her physician.

If you have questions or concerns about this you can e-mail me,  or call the office  (I check messages morning and night).

This is a sad but always sacred process that yields increasing wellbeing and joy.

 To be invited in is a profound endorsement of trust.

If I’m going to Talk the Talk- I had better Walk the Walk!!

It has been a very humbling week, and I am surprised as ever at the lessons life is teaching me.

A week ago I wrote on my D.I.D. blog about self-care.

http://suzy-livingsucessfullywithdid.blogspot.ca/

I had mentioned about having a tough time, the self-care that was needed, and not knowing where this journey was going to take me. Sometimes things settle down, sometimes they don’t, only time would tell. I have pulled in my supports and asking for help, doing what I can do to ride out this storm.

Well, that storm is still going, and it’s going to be here for a while.

Late last week I realized this, and knew I would most likely have to go the next step- to be hospitalized. As always this is not something I take lightly. I have talked to many friends about it, and, I’m sure, it’s the same conversation I have with them every time I am at this stage. In fact- I’m sure they could write the script. But, I needed to make sure I am doing everything I can do to help myself.

Talking to them also helps me accept the inevitable. I will need more help with this.

Of course I kept flip flopping on this, saying I could handle it, I don’t need the hospital, it will pass etc. But, it has not, so I made an appointment to see my Dr.

These last few days I have come to realize how very hard it can be to ask for help. Yes, whenever I give a presentation, I always tell them, there is nothing wrong with asking for help, no shame in realizing you need help with a mental health issue, and that there are people who will help you if you only ask them, because, no one can read your mind. So, please, please ask for help- you are worthy of it.

As I was thinking of this I thought “Well Suzy, you would be a pretty hypocritical bitch if you didn't follow your own advice. If you’re going to Talk the Talk, you had better be ready to Walk The Walk!”

In my wellness, I had forgotten how hard asking for help could be, and how the inner dialogue and old tapes can sabotage you. I had forgotten how when I wasn't emotional and feeling like crap- I would be numbed out and “everything was fine” when in reality it’s not, that’s why I was disconnecting or dissociating. I forgot about the anxiety and feelings of shame for needing help once again.  I realize these are all “cognitive errors” but when you’re in the middle of it, it’s pretty hard to remember that.

  

This is also why I have a hospital intake plan. It’s something I had written up, and revamped when I was doing fine.  It tells the hospital what I have been doing to avoid being hospitalized, the resources and supports I have used. It tells them how I am feeling, emotionally and physically, and why I seek admission.

It also tells them what my hospital stay will be like, what it will look like to them, what it will feel like to me, and what they can do to support me during this time.

I realize I may be different, as it is past trauma issues that I need to work on when I’m in there, but I still have issues with my complex PTSD, anxiety and depression. And throwing Dissociative Identity Disorder in the mix just makes things a little more interesting!!

I had been meeting with my Dr on a weekly basis for the last six weeks. So, last Friday I met with my Dr. again.We talked about the resources I am using, what else I can do to help etc. I have been through this many times, and he has been very supportive, and like me, he understands the process I need to go through. I had made an appointment to see him again the following Friday.

This weekend I thought about the things I had planned for the next week, and the week after. The ringette games, seeing Gabor Mate,- which I will miss, crap- meetings etc. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do, the anxiety was increasing, so I went to the beach, sat and did a smudge, and just sat quietly, and as always, the answer came to me.

Well, I made another appointment  and saw my Dr.  today. Things are not getting better, and while I was waiting in his office I thought about “walking the walk “again.  He came in, sat down and asked me how I was doing. Well, as hard as it was I let him know, and as soon as I did the protective wall came down and it all came out. Everything, tears and all. It was hard, but it was much needed. After some discussion we decided that he would contact the hospital and request a bed for me in the psychiatric unit- what I call the St Joseph Spa and Treatment centre”

 We talked about safety plans and resources to have in place, and plans to keep me safe while I wait for the call from the hospital.

This is huge progress. In the beginning of my work and healing  journey, when things were coming up, I would see my Dr. he would walk in and would already  have  huge wall of defense around me. Anything he said would not get in, and I would hide how I was really feeling. Needless to say this caused huge problems and I would usually end up in emergency in crisis mode.

Now, I can tell him how I’m really feeling, what is really going on, and because I can do this earlier,  we can both become proactive. I have also learned that for me, it helps to break the following days into chunks. Morning, afternoon, evening etc. What I am going to do, who I am going to ask for help and how they can help me.  By doing this, it helps me feel like things are not so overwhelming, that if it takes 3 or 4 days to get in the hospital, then we have chunks that we can deal with.

I have great supports, and I am pulling them in to help me through this. I am also accepting help more when it is offered. I have learned that I don’t have to go this alone. Yes, this is a solo journey, but I can have my supports to help me along the way.

I see my therapist Friday morning, and my Dr Friday afternoon, and we will continue with the supports and resources that are required.

I have supports and plans in place to keep me safe for the next 3 days, and if I am not in the hospital  by then, I will ask for more supports, I know they will help me and I will see my Dr again, we will keep going until we get in.

 Knowing that my name is on the list helps because I know it will not be forever. I will get in there, I will work on what I need to work on, and I will get better.

Some people ask me “Why can’t you just be happy with who you are now. You have come a long way, why keep working so hard, maybe it’s time to put your feet up?”

I tell them, there is this driving force that compels me to move forward. When I was born I was supposed to die, but there was something that made me keep fighting. This force keeps moving me forward to do the work that I need to do, to be the best I can be, to be the most authentic that I can be. I know, doing this work, and going through this does not make life easier, but when I come through the work, life is so much richer, sweeter, amazing and there are new adventures to go on and discoveries to make.

I will make it through this, and come out the other end a more whole, happier and better person. Of that I have no doubt. It’s a very painful process, but a much needed process to be the best that I can be.

And, if I’m going to Talk the Talk, I had better be prepared to Walk the Walk.

Those are my thoughts for today and I will see you on the other side, a much happier, richer, more authentic me. And boy, will I have a story to tell.

Cheers and be well

Suzy

Why I do what I do- Part 2

This week Bell Canada is having its campaign to help end stigma around mental illness. With every phone call, text message sent, and tweet using #BellLetsTalk on January 28^th, Bell Canada will donate 5 cents to a mental health intuitive. http://letstalk.bell.ca/en/ . They have some great Canadians as spokespersons, Michael Landsburg, Howie Mandel, Mary Walsh and Clara Hughes.

Each and every one of these people are very successful in their chosen field, and it does my heart good to see they are standing up, sharing their own, very personal stories, and helping to end the stigma on mental illness.

Will I ever meet these people, probably not, but I do have something in common with them. I also speak about my experiences and advocate and educate about mental illness and mental health challenges. No, I will never be on national television, I do not have a media team putting together my campaign, but I, as one person, continue to do what I do, and like the Bell Canada spokespersons, I am making a difference.  

This last December I had the opportunity to once again speak to some youth at one of the local high schools. I spoke to a grade 11/12 psychology class, and as always, was amazed at these youth. I loved speaking to them, opening some great dialogue, answering their amazing questions, and, as always, before we knew it time was up.

The teacher of this program is amazing, she is really interested and connected with her students, and it shows. During the next couple of classes, she asks the students to write a short note to me, about my presentation and what they thought of it. This, too me, is a gift.

No matter how many times I have talked to her students-(I have been doing it for 4 years now) - and the comments that are sent to me, they always surprise me, bring a smile to my face and at times a tear to my eye. These kids are smart, well-articulated, and get it.

This shows me, that one person can make a difference. Here are a few of those comments

“Thank you for speaking to my class. You really opened our eyes about Dissociative Identity Disorder and made us understand that it isn't what Hollywood makes it out to be.”

“The fact that you have been to the lowest of lows and come out such a happy person is very inspiring...”

“ You made me open my eyes more in life and realize that my life is crap right now but will get better one day…you showed people that there’s more out there in life and that they just have to wait for that day to come.”

“You have made me realize there is so much more to life”

“I think people have a lot a misconceptions about mental illness and you did a great job clearing those up”

“Your presentation was truly inspiring because despite what you have been through you know who you are. I think it’s hard to find yourself, regardless of the situation. You helped me understand that even if it is hard, I will find who I am, and who I want to become.”

“..I realized human beings are very tough and can persevere through almost anything…”

“… It helped me understand how to see and treat people with D.I.D. and also other mental health issues.”

“Your story was really meaningful and inspired me. Life can suck but it can be good and never give up, remember better times are coming.”

For some of these youth, this is the very 1^st time they have learned, discussed and asked questions about mental illness. And I know, that for some my stories resonate with them because this is the first time in their life they learn that they are not alone.

I am not and never will be a celebrity. I am not and never will be a national spokesman, but I do know I make a difference. I will continue to do what I do, quietly, in my corner of the world. And when I hit times where I wonder if I am making a difference, I will pull out the student’s comments and read them once again.

I am not the only one making a difference. There are many, many individuals and organizations out there doing their part in helping end the stigma on mental illness. A few individuals I know about are

Kristen Bower http://adventuresofasurvivor.blogspot.ca/

Ashley Pfeifer http://onceuponawarrior.squarespace.com/

Siobhan Brannigan http://apositivefromanegative.tumblr.com/

The following organizations are doing a great job and have amazing resources on their sites, be it how to talk to or help someone with a mental illness.

Partners for mental Health http://www.partnersformh.ca/

The Canadian Mental Health Association http://www.cmha.ca/

And here is an amazing resource for parents with children with mental health issues and challenges. This is a B.C. organization, but great resources.

The F.O.R.C.E. Society for Children and Mental Health, http://www.forcesociety.com/

It is amazing to see the energy, passion, and drive that these individuals and organizations have. We All believe that through better education and understanding, we CAN make a difference, and help END THE STIGMA and misunderstandings surrounding mental health issues.

Start talking and keep on talking, long after the campaigns are out done and out of the limelight. Just because the causes and campaigns are over, does not mean that stigma surrounding mental health stops. 

I will never have the lime light shining on me, but I do know that by my talking, I shine a light that  reaches and helps someone else.

Those are my thoughts for the day.

Cheers and be well

Suzy

Team Work...

I belong to a ringette team. The Comox Valley Cougars. http://comoxvalleyringette.com/index.htm       We are a master’s team, meaning players are over 30 years of age- I’m WAY over- I have been playing with them for 5 years now.

Growing up in the Comox Valley, there were very few opportunities for me to skate, so close to the age of 50 I thought why not, as I wanted to play hockey. To make a long story short, I found out about the Ringette team. I had been skating for about 6 months at the public skating at the local indoor rink. I realized that I am not going to be learning much if I kept  skating around in circles, so I contacted the ringette team, as their web site said all skating abilities welcome. They got back to me and told me that their team roster was full but if I wanted to come out and play the game I was more than welcome, and as they say the rest is history.

Three weekends ago, we went to a ringette tournament in Langley. I love my team and enjoy going away with them. My team is a mixture of players, from all walks of life and all playing abilities. Some have been playing since they were wee lasses, and after many years away from it have started up again. Some played hockey in their younger years and continue to do so, and then some are like me, totally new to the game, and the skating.

When I mean new to skating, I mean, putting skates on and hanging onto the boards as I went around the rink!!!

With the amazing acceptance and support from my team I have slowly improved, dared to take chances and try harder. The first night I went to practice I was terrified, scared I would not be good enough, could not skate well enough, make mistakes etc. But they were amazing and supportive and I loved the game. As time went along I became more comfortable with the team, and was able to relax, well sort of.

So, at this point, you may be asking, “Why is she writing about her ringette team in a blog about hope and mental health?”

Well, my smart ass answer is “because it’s my blog and I can write about what I want.” But, the real reason I am writing this is because teamwork can be just as important, powerful and valuable for your mental health!

I have a mental health team. I have not always had this. I remember the dark days before I was correctly diagnosed, when I thought I was crazy and felt like I was the only one in the entire world who felt the way I did. I was struggling to keep my head above the water. A time where it felt like everywhere I turned life was knocking me down and it was getting harder and harder to get up again. A time of felt hopelessness and wondering how I was going to carry on.

I remember the fear of going to see my family doctor, and telling him what was REALLY going on, afraid he would think less of me, turn me away, say I was crazy etc. To my pleasant surprise he did not. I was referred to the adult day therapy program at the local hospital. Once again, on my first time there I had the same fears and trepidations, and once again I was pleasantly surprised, and they taught me a lot. I was then referred to a psychiatrist who had a group for people with Complex P.T.S.D.  I was to meet him first, and see if I was right, but more importantly, to make sure I was ready for group work. I remember the morning of my first meeting with him. I sat in my car, in the parking lot looking at the door to his office thinking “I could just go for coffee right now.” I’m glad I didn’t. 

When I was correctly diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder my family doctor had never heard about it, but he was open minded enough to learn what he could, and he has become one of my biggest advocates, especially when the chips are down and I need to be admitted to the hospital.  And, once again, to make a long story short, the rest is history.

I have come a long way, there have been many people on my mental health team, all wanting the best for me. Some have retired, some have moved, new ones have come on board. Some are professional, some are family and friends. Each one has brought their unique skills and insights to me and I have become better for it. I am now doing more than I ever thought would be possible. Yes, I still struggle at times, I still get frustrated and sometimes I need to pull away from activities and focus on myself. I am able to ask for help during these times, and with help and support I cannot just get through these moments, but grow and learn from them. Coming out the other end a better and more whole person. More confident with who I am.

Team work does work, in sports, and in mental health. With support, encouragement and help, one can become more and do more than they ever thought possible, and if you are lucky, you may find some lovely surprises along the way.

During the weekend away with the ringette team, we played 5 games. The first 4 games were played in 30 hours, it was busy! We played our 1^st one on a Friday afternoon, we lost. Our 2^nd game was Friday night. During that game, with 4 minutes to go, we were down by 1 and I scored the tying goal. It was a beauty, a backhand shot, went in the top corner of the net. It was an amazing feeling. I did not know I could get so excited and yell for so long. My team mates that were on the ice came over and congratulated me. It was like a big team hug and all I kept thinking was “don’t fall down” I was in shock, I could not believe I had just done that and I had this huge grin on my face. On my next shift, with less than 4 seconds to go, I assisted with the winning goal. It was an amazing feeling, and in the locker room my team gave me the M.V.P.  Needless to say that grin stayed with me throughout the weekend.

The next day I got another goal and assist. We came away from the tournament with the bronze medal.

I am not the strongest player, and I am far from the best player or skater on the team. But, I can still be part of the team. Also, I did not score those goals alone, it was a team effort, and some players scored amazing goals, many in fact. It’s amazing to watch them. Then, there is our amazing goalie. I don't know how he does what he does.

My ringette team knows about my illness and support me and accept me just the way I am.  It is because of this welcoming and supportive environment I keep going back. That and the love of the game. Unlike hockey, a player cannot carry the ring all the way down the ice, you have to pass the ring over the blue line, going both directions on the ice. So, this truly is a team sport.

The people on my mental health team support, and accept me for who I am. It is because of this welcoming and supportive environment that I keep asking for, and receiving help and support when needed. As with my skating and playing skills, they did not improve overnight. It took a lot of work, my willingness to ask for help. The work-both skating and my mental health- is ongoing, and most likely will be for the rest of my life. One thing I do know, I am not alone with this and  I could not ask for better team mates!!

These are my thoughts for today. I wish you all well in your journey.

Cheers and be well

Suzy

A couple of weeks ago, I came down with a flu bug of some kind. The usual tired and achy feeling, so I retreated to my bed, got lots of sleep, took some painkillers, kept hydrated and ate when I could. When I was starting to feel a bit better I would go sit on the couch, watch a bit of TV, have a cup of tea, then go back to bed to sleep. I didn't have much energy to do anything, and I knew it needed to take its course. I could not fight it, or hurry it up, or just snap out of it.  I just needed to take good care of myself, remind myself I would not feel like this for ever and not push myself.

I had to cancel plans, going for coffee with friends, a birthday lunch with my best friend, Ringette practices and a book reading and signing by author Matt Rader  ( http://fccs.ok.ubc.ca/faculty/mrader.html)

 Some of these things I could re-book, or start up again when I was feeling better, but not the book signing. Matt was my creative writing instructor at the local college here a few years ago when I took the plunge to take a writing course and he was very supportive. I was looking forward to seeing him again.

Recouping from this bug gave me lots of time to think. I was getting well wishes from my friends and family, telling me to get well, hang in there, and if there was anything they could do for me, I was to let them know. I am fortunate.

As I was lying in bed, I was thinking how for most of those with a mental illness or mental health challenge, they do not get this kind of support. Then of course, as I had time to think I started to wonder why and what I could do about it.

As I had plenty of time, my mind wandered and I thought about one of the things I tell the psychology students I talk to.

I was a young adult when the AIDS epidemic hit in the early 80’s. Even though I was married and lived in a small town, I remember the fear, and misunderstanding that surrounded it. Being told that you could catch it by being in the same room, not to hug anyone with AIDS, and of course the blaming and shaming that went with it.

There was a lot of misunderstanding, and a lot of fear. In time the medical community, and then the public started understanding what this was all about, and research was being done, and things are now different.

I only wish this were so for mental illness.

I understand that part of the problem is, unlike a broken arm, you cannot take an x-ray to see where the brain is broken. Mental illness is a lot more complicated than that. There is still fear, shaming and blaming that happens, but I am hopeful that it is slowly changing. More people are talking about it and bringing it into the open and “Main Stream,” but it could get better.

So what can I do, to help it along its way?

I have amazing support from friends and family, and the professionals in my life, but it did not “just happen.” It took a lot of work and soul searching on my part. I needed to become educated about my conditions, so that I could educate those around me. The next step was probably the hardest, I needed to not only ask for help, but let people know what they could do to help me. 

This could be anything from phoning or e-mailing a friend and asking them to take me out for coffee, or go for a quiet walk with me, or make me a cup of tea. Other times it meant touching base with my family doctor more often if things were getting rough and to have an intake plan ready for when I do need to go into the hospital. This explained what I had done up to that point to stay out of the hospital, why I was there, and how they could support me so I could get better.

I also needed to acknowledge and accept that supports in all areas of my life help me become successful. An example is when I took my writing course, I let Matt know about my condition. Luckily he had taught past students with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I let him know what kind of support I would need. So, when I forgot what we had talked about in class, didn't understand something, or what the homework was, I would e-mail him and ask him to send me a quick reminder, and that was all I needed to get me back on track. This helped me complete the course successfully.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that talking about and bringing mental illness out into the open is a two sided coin. Yes, we need to start educating and talking about what mental illness is, and is not, but we also need to start talking about what will help those of us with an illness.

Visualize two hospital rooms. One patient has just had surgery of some kind, in the other room is a person with a mental illness. Chances are that the person who had the surgery will have visitors, flowers and get well cards and wishes, the one with the mental illness will have fewer cards, well wishes and visitors. I have experienced and seen this.

So, when we are having a tough time with our illness, please tell us the same thing you would tell someone who has a physical illness.

Things like, “I hope you feel better soon. If there is anything I can do let me know. Would you like a hug? Can I make you a cup of tea or warm a blanket for you? I’m sorry you are going through this, what can I do to help? I don’t understand your illness, could you please explain it to me and tell me how I can support you. I am by your side through this. Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you.”

I know that one of the hardest things for those that love us, is to see us in pain and suffering. I know the feeling of utter helplessness when a loved one is struggling with a mental illness. If they had the flu I could give them Tylenol and ginger ale, when they are struggling with a mental illness I can’t give them anything to take it away.

But I want you to all know, that even though you cannot give us anything to take it away, your love and support and acceptance does help us. And please, do not take this struggle personally. What I mean by that is that we are not doing this to make you miserable, or to feel bad. We have an illness. And just like a physical illness we are sick. And no amount of cajoling or criticism, ie “just snap out of it”  “if you really cared about me you would get out of bed” – is going to hurry up the process anymore then if you told that to someone with pneumonia. In fact, we will feel more shame for our illness.

Communication and understanding is the key. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. I find it amazing as I talk about mental illness,  be it formally, or amongst peers, once people realize its OK to speak about mental illness, more questions are asked, concerns voiced, experiences shared and we, and our communities, all become richer for it.

Those are my thoughts for the day

cheers and be well

Suzy

To learn more about mental illness, supports or how you can support a loved one visit  

http://www.partnersformh.ca/

www.notmyselftoday.ca

For info on youth and mental illness visit

http://rightbyyou.ca/en/about

http://www.forcesociety.com/news

To learn more about a the great writer Matt Rader visit
http://fccs.ok.ubc.ca/faculty/mrader.html

Why I Do What I Do....

Today is World Mental Health Day, and as Mental Illness Awareness Week comes to a close, I sit here with my cup of tea and think of one question I am often asked by people when I tell them I’m a mental health educator/advocate.

“Why do you do what you do?”

My answer is usually something along the line, that living with a mental illness myself, I know how hard it can be, and the public’s stigma and misconceptions around it. I hope to educate and get people talking about it, as it affects 1 in 4 people, and 500,000 Canadians have missed work today because of a mental illness, and those are the ones we know about.

Since its World Mental Health Day, and Mental Illness Awareness Week is winding down, I thought I would elaborate a little bit more about why I do what I do.

Yes, I know from firsthand experience what it is like to live with a mental illness. The stigma, misconceptions and days of frustration because you can’t seem to function “like everybody else can” I have been down to Hades and back so many times I should get frequent flyer points, and had days where it just took too much energy to get out of bed and get dressed. Days where, doing the very basic things like shower and eat, were too much for me.

I also know, that the one with the illness, is not the only one affected by it.

I was brought up in a family where one, if not both of my parents had an undiagnosed mental illness, and they self-medicated with alcohol. I can tell you that not one of us 9 children got out of that family unscathed.

I look back now and wonder how any of us got out of there alive. I also now realize, they were in a lot of pain. Mental illness was not something you talked about in my family, even as some of my brothers showed obvious signs. We didn't  have “an elephant in the room”, we had a herd of them all under the same roof.

I remember the craziness, chaos, and unpredictability while growing up, and I remember at 4 years old wanting to die.

I remember growing up and as an adult wondered why it seemed I could not remember doing things, having bouts of depression, and anxiety that followed me around. I remember crashing and burning in 2001 and no longer able to work at a job I loved, and was good at, losing our house, and credit, and my world crashing down around me as I could no longer keep the façade together.

I also remember being correctly diagnosed in 2003, and finally understanding what was wrong with me.  With the tenacity of a “terrier with a bone” I worked, with the help of many amazing people, harder than I ever did in my life to get better. And the good news is, I did get better.

I will always have my illness, but I am not my illness.

Yes I am a statistic. I am one of those 1 in 5 Canadians who have a mental illness, I was 1 of those “75% of children and youth with a mental illness who will not receive treatment," and “there but the grace of God”, I am not included in the #1 accidental death of youth, suicide!

Yes, I am a statistic. I am living proof that with the correct diagnose, understanding and support, one can have a very fulfilling life, while having a mental illness.

I am a statistic, but I am more than that, as is anyone with a mental illness. I am a mother, wife, friend, and writer. I have captained my dragon boat team, play Ringette and belong to a singing group. I volunteer for various organizations and I am a very much loved member of my community.

I have talked to my doctors medical and practicum students.  Along with nursing and psychology students, and various groups of youth. I hope to talk to more groups, and various places including colleges and universities. 

I also know, that being correctly diagnosed probably saved my life.

So now you know why I do what I do. You can also make a difference.

Start talking about mental illness, and why mental health is important to everyone. Realize that having a mental illness is not a character flaw, or anything like Hollywood portrays.

You can go to the links below and start the conversation rolling.

Mental Illness Awareness Week may be coming to an end, but the conversation need to keep going, for everyone sake.

Those are my thoughts for today.

Cheers and be well and I wish you all well in your journeys.

http://www.partnersformh.ca/the-issue

https://www.facebook.com/partnersformh/photos/a.174718722609058.45440.172902742790656/716

990518381873/?type=1

http://www.cmha.ca/

This week Bell Canada is having its campaign to help end stigma around mental illness. With every phone call, text message sent, and tweet using #BellLetsTalk on January 28^th, Bell Canada will donate 5 cents to a mental health intuitive. http://letstalk.bell.ca/en/ . They have some great Canadians as spokespersons, Michael Landsburg, Howie Mandel, Mary Walsh and Clara Hughes.

Each and every one of these people are very successful in their chosen field, and it does my heart good to see they are standing up, sharing their own, very personal stories, and helping to end the stigma on mental illness.

Will I ever meet these people, probably not, but I do have something in common with them. I also speak about my experiences and advocate and educate about mental illness and mental health challenges. No, I will never be on national television, I do not have a media team putting together my campaign, but I, as one person, continue to do what I do, and like the Bell Canada spokespersons, I am making a difference.  

This last December I had the opportunity to once again speak to some youth at one of the local high schools. I spoke to a grade 11/12 psychology class, and as always, was amazed at these youth. I loved speaking to them, opening some great dialogue, answering their amazing questions, and, as always, before we knew it time was up.

The teacher of this program is amazing, she is really interested and connected with her students, and it shows. During the next couple of classes, she asks the students to write a short note to me, about my presentation and what they thought of it. This, too me, is a gift.

No matter how many times I have talked to her students-(I have been doing it for 4 years now) - and the comments that are sent to me, they always surprise me, bring a smile to my face and at times a tear to my eye. These kids are smart, well-articulated, and get it.

This shows me, that one person can make a difference. Here are a few of those comments

“Thank you for speaking to my class. You really opened our eyes about Dissociative Identity Disorder and made us understand that it isn't what Hollywood makes it out to be.”

“The fact that you have been to the lowest of lows and come out such a happy person is very inspiring...”

“ You made me open my eyes more in life and realize that my life is crap right now but will get better one day…you showed people that there’s more out there in life and that they just have to wait for that day to come.”

“You have made me realize there is so much more to life”

“I think people have a lot a misconceptions about mental illness and you did a great job clearing those up”

“Your presentation was truly inspiring because despite what you have been through you know who you are. I think it’s hard to find yourself, regardless of the situation. You helped me understand that even if it is hard, I will find who I am, and who I want to become.”

“..I realized human beings are very tough and can persevere through almost anything…”

“… It helped me understand how to see and treat people with D.I.D. and also other mental health issues.”

“Your story was really meaningful and inspired me. Life can suck but it can be good and never give up, remember better times are coming.”

For some of these youth, this is the very 1^st time they have learned, discussed and asked questions about mental illness. And I know, that for some my stories resonate with them because this is the first time in their life they learn that they are not alone.

I am not and never will be a celebrity. I am not and never will be a national spokesman, but I do know I make a difference. I will continue to do what I do, quietly, in my corner of the world. And when I hit times where I wonder if I am making a difference, I will pull out the student’s comments and read them once again.

I am not the only one making a difference. There are many, many individuals and organizations out there doing their part in helping end the stigma on mental illness. A few individuals I know about are

Kristen Bower http://adventuresofasurvivor.blogspot.ca/

Ashley Pfeifer http://onceuponawarrior.squarespace.com/

Siobhan Brannigan http://apositivefromanegative.tumblr.com/

The following organizations are doing a great job and have amazing resources on their sites, be it how to talk to or help someone with a mental illness.

Partners for mental Health http://www.partnersformh.ca/

The Canadian Mental Health Association http://www.cmha.ca/

And here is an amazing resource for parents with children with mental health issues and challenges. This is a B.C. organization, but great resources.

The F.O.R.C.E. Society for Children and Mental Health, http://www.forcesociety.com/

It is amazing to see the energy, passion, and drive that these individuals and organizations have. We All believe that through better education and understanding, we CAN make a difference, and help END THE STIGMA and misunderstandings surrounding mental health issues.

Start talking and keep on talking, long after the campaigns are out done and out of the limelight. Just because the causes and campaigns are over, does not mean that stigma surrounding mental health stops. 

I will never have the lime light shining on me, but I do know that by my talking, I shine a light that  reaches and helps someone else.

Those are my thoughts for the day.

Cheers and be well

Suzy

We can move forward with mental illness....

Today is the beginning of Mental Illness Awareness Week, and I'm sitting here wondering what I am going to say for this. There are many campaigns going on, and that's great to see, but it still has not hit the main stream, and many people don't know about it, but many people are spreading the word, and that brings me, and others hope.

I also think of the frustration of having a mental illness. The frustration that if one has a physical illness, people understand when you are not feeling well and need rest and self-care, but when one has a mental illness they are often told, "You could do it if you really wanted it bad enough."

Well, you have no idea "How bad I really do not want to have this Illness!!!"

This is one of the many reasons why we need to start talking and have open and respectful dialogue around mental illness. To bring education and research front and center, to bring it all out of the shadows. To shine a light on it and get rid of the stigma and misunderstandings. This will allow all affected by mental illness to move forward.   

This time last week I was preparing to go away to the Children and Youth Mental Health and Substance Use Congress in Kelowna. I was being sent by The F.O.R.C.E. society for kids mental health. I didn't know what to expect, but let me tell you, it was amazing. And here is a prime example of what moving forward looked like.

It was an amazing couple of days and I am still digesting that time. I met amazing people, heard phenomenal speakers, and met many courageous parents and youth. I could not get over the fact that I was in a room with 300 other people, who believed as I did, that we need to talk about this. By talking and being open, we can make change happen, In that room were Parents, Youth, Doctors, People with lived experience, policy makers and many other service providers. Here we were exchanging ideas, asking questions, and all with the same goal. To do the best that we can for our Children and Youth with mental health and substance use issues. We also know that it’s not just the person who has the illness that is affected. It affects the whole family.

At the end of the congress, we were asked to do a survey, via smartphone/computer and one of the questions was “What are you going to do by next Tuesday to make a change happen." As people answered this, they answers were showing up on the 2 screens at the front of the room. I had never seen anything like this before- being the techno dinosaur that I am- but it was pretty amazing. Things like, talking to my M.L.A., talking to teachers, caregivers, school counselors, tell their stories and a ton of other things. It was amazing to see what the 300 people in that room said they were going to do, and it was pretty powerful. I thought, if this group was going to do that, imagine what would happen if we could get a fraction of the population making a commitment to make a change.

Needless to say, it gave me fuel to keep doing what I am doing, and if it works out, to do even more. I no longer felt like I was the only one trying to make a change. I knew I wasn't alone, but it sure felt good to see, meet and hear others who also wanted change to happen, and to all be in the same room. 

We will all most likely be touched by mental illness at some time in our life. Be it lived experience, family or friend, co-worker, children and parents we work with etc. The list goes on. The theory of the six degrees of separation states that “everyone and everything is six or fewer steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person in the world, so that a chain of "a friend of a friend" statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps"

This also applies to mental illness. With the correct information, and by taking it out of the shadows and leaving the stigma behind, we can support those with a mental illness and their families, just like we support those with cancer, and their families. 

So, as Mental Illness Awareness Week begins, think of what you can do to make a change happen. It can be something as simple as talking to a co-worker or friend you know who may be struggling and saying “I care” It may be education yourself on how to support and help a friend. It may be going to the links below and sharing them on Facebook and Twitter. It may be letting others know, they are not alone, they are valued and there is hope and help out there.

Each and every one of us can make a difference. I have seen what moving forward can look like, let’s do what we can to get mental illness out of the shadows and into the light. To get rid of the stigma, to get the public and policy makers talking about mental illness, and realize, it is an illness, not a character flaw. And, as an illness, it deserves research and educational funding, just as any other illness receives.  

Those are my thoughts today, I wish you all well in your journey and may you never give up hope.

Cheers and be well

Suzy

http://www.camimh.ca/mental-illness-awareness-week/about-miaw/

http://www.notmyselftoday.ca/

http://www.partnersformh.ca/

http://www.forcesociety.com/